The Truth About "Mom" Expectations

We had a busy weekend this weekend. We were out and about almost all day Saturday and then left our home for NYC at 9am Sunday morning. It was a great weekend, just busy. Normally, I try to do some grocery shopping on the weekend, but I had to pick things up yesterday after school instead. So there I was, without my list, trying to remember the essentials we need to get through the first part of the week. Normally my kids are a great help when shopping--but not always--and not this time. They were tired from their day and had that picky-brother-sister-whiny thing going on. You know, the thing that makes you want to lock your self in a room sometimes. So I was sending them to grab stuff from the list (that was in my head) and they were trying to help. They were more interested in tossing the grocery items to one another like a football instead of being of any real assistance. Finally, I'd had it and I pulled them to the sided and fussed at them. They both lost a point for their behavior (we use a points reward system in our home to reinforce good behavior). I was so embarrassed by how they were acting. Onto the next aisle and they were playing around with each other and I hear "Tag, you're it!" Just as I was about to lay into them, I saw it. There was an elderly couple not far from us and the wife was just standing there as her husband studied items on the shelf. She was staring at my kids and had a pondering look on her face. She had her weight shifted to one hip and had her right hand on her chin and a little half smile.Her small wrinkled eyes were smiling too. She had a "deep in thought" look on her face. I could tell by her expression she was enjoying watching them play and their silly little smiles. She was taking in their child-like freedom and giggles. I am sure she was remembering when her children were that age and was taking a trip through years gone by. At that moment, my perspective changed. I took a deep breath and became focused. The Lord reminded me that they are just kids, just a carefree innocent 2nd and 3rd grader who want to play and laugh and will occasionally fight like an old married couple.

The bottom line is that as moms (and grandmothers) we often snap, yell, lose patience and get frustrated because of the expectations we put on ourselves and our children. We are embarrassed by the way they are acting or aren't acting. We forget that they are only toddlers, 3rd graders, middle schoolers, high schoolers, college students, 20 somethings....We have to have grace for ourselves and grace for them. Instead of enjoying their laughter, I was allowing it to push me to the edge. It wasn't their fault we had a busy weekend. It wasn't their fault I forgot to stick my list in my purse that morning. Kids are allowed to have bad days and so are you--just don't stay there. 

"The goal isn't being perfect, 

the goal is being better!"

The Lord is constantly working on me and in me. Sometimes as He grows me and teaches me I feel like He is constantly bringing me back to a place of refocus. Have you ever seen those bounce house run things that attach your harness to a long bungee cord and then you run run run and it snaps you back? They are really fun, by the way and sometimes require an extra chiropractic visit. That is how I feel some times though. Life gets me busy and running and the Lord snaps me back into focus just like that bungee cord. We need that. I needed that sweet elderly grandma to enjoy seeing my kids laughing and remind me of where my motives were. Where are your motives today? Are you taking a step back from overwhelming situations and refocusing? I highly recommend it. Make sure you are taking time to refuel, don't get burned out. Don't let you talk yourself into being the victim----you are victorious! 

Give yourself grace and take purposeful steps to be better tomorrow than you are today!

My Thoughts On Getting High

I can't remember how old I was when I started this daily habit. I was barely a teenager. I was probably around 7th grade or so. I remember many things changing. A new school, new friends, the social pressure of being in Jr. High School. I also remember that around this time I was experiencing the infilling of the Holy Spirit in new ways at revival in my local church. The altar calls at my summer church camp were my favorite place to be. Even at this young age I began to experience the Lord doing something new in my prayer life.

My thoughts on getting high....yes, that's a catchy blog title and I am glad you clicked to read here. Since I am a pastor's wife, mother of 2 and Director of Operations at a very successful company, please know that I am not talking about smoking out! I am talking about a mental perspective that is higher than my current situation. I remember the Lord showing me this when I was young and I literally think this way EVERY DAY. In my prayer time, I see where I am in my circumstance and in my mind, I zoom out. When I zoom out, I see many things. The higher I get, the more I see. I see that the world isn't just about me. I see all those who are hurting, I see many far from God. I feel His pain for those who don't know Him. I see moms in 3rd world countries holding their babies as they die in their arms from starvation or disease. From that high perspective, I remember all the times God has fixed it for me. I remember all the times he has delivered me and come through on my behalf. In my mind I literally see the globe, almost like a google earth illustration. The clarity from this perspective brings balance! Write that down somewhere!

Please know that shifting your perspective doesn't discount what you are going through. Many of you are facing some really REAL seasons right now. What it does though, is it reminds you that even though you might be hurt or a midst drama---God still wants and needs to use you. If we let every storm disable us, the enemy wins! But if we learn to get high when the storm hits and we zoom out and stay focused--then God can still use us for his agenda no matter what we are facing in that current season.

The other reason I do this and encourage others to do the same is because a balanced perspective allows us to see things from God's point of view. Practicing this will allow us to tune in to the enemy's agenda. We will be reminded that

"We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." 

Eph. 6:12

Many times, just recognizing the enemy's agenda is half the battle. Calling it for what it is and doing spiritual warfare against it is imperative. It's hard to recognize it sometimes if we don't zoom out and see it from that higher perspective. From the Google Earth mode we can also be reminded of tactics the enemy has used before, we have a clear perspective of weaknesses that he may try to use. The view from the top is a great place to draw up a battle plan!

So I invite you to get high with me today. < This is hilarious for me to type by the way. 

I invite you to zoom out in your quiet time. See things from God's perspective. Let him remind you of the plans He has for you--the ways He wants to use you. Get clarity. Get vision. Get empowered. Draw up a battle plan. Be a warrior on a mission. You've got this!

Newsflash! My inheritance wasn't public knowledge

Influx in my time management skills = a new blog for you to read. I am so glad you stopped by. For those who follow my blog to keep up with our family, we are all doing well. Justice (9 now) just finished his first season of playing football and Ashlyn (7 now) is finishing up soccer season. Mama is ready for a little break! My sweet 2nd and 3rd grader are having a great school year. Our daily discipline normally includes working on focus, completing tasks in a timely manner, what's expected of them on a daily basis, working together, dealing with disappointment.........okay, you get it. I was speaking with a mommy friend at a birthday party this weekend and she asked if it gets easier once they are my kids' age (hers are younger). I laughed. I told her, the older they get, the more mentally exhausting it gets! You are constantly disciplining and building that foundation and it's always something new. A new question, a new project, a new adventure, a new area of explanation. This world is complex and successful parenting is exhausting!-- No matter what the age.

Anyhow, we are all doing well. Church and work are going well, our schedules are full, but not too full to include all the things that matter. We are uber busy, but make sure we don't stay too busy to enjoy life. We are living it up and having fun with each season. All seasons come with challenges, but we strap up our boots and pull up our big girl panties face each new challenge with determination. Life isn't perfect, but it is grand. Remember, to an ant, a cheerio is grand. It's all about perspective. 

So you are reading here because you either follow my blog and read all of them faithfully (Thanks!) or you clicked on it because of the title. Either way, I am glad you are here. 

I didn't recently inherit a large sum of money, but if you are looking for some encouraging reminders that can add riches to your life, then please keep reading. In many places, God's Word speaks about our royal status as joint-heirs with Christ. It reminds us that we are sons and daughters of the King. There is something more important that knowing that truth!! It's speaking it!! There is life and death in our tongue. There is power in speaking that identity out loud! Don't believe me? Try it for a week. Nonchalantly incorporate it in your prayer life and daily conversation. I do it on a daily basis. You can ask my husband and my children. It's not uncommon for you to hear me tell people "Everything always works out for me, I am a child of the King." When my children say things like, "Mommy, what if this bridge above us broke?" (real honest 9 year old boy question, right?) My answer is always along the lines of, "We don't want that, let's focus on what we do want. Plus, we don't attract things like that, we are sons and daughters of the King."

Do not stop reading here!!!!!!!! If you do it sounds like nothing bad ever happens to me and if something bad happened to you then you must not be a child of the King. Let's not be silly. The enemy is real. Saying these things over your life doesn't give you a supernatural free pass. It's not a fad diet or insurance policy! It's a foundation, a covering and an expectation. When you speak these things you release the power of God. It means, crappy things happen, but we don't live life expecting them. We expect good and we focus on who we are in Christ. Just like if you focus on red front doors, you will start to see them everywhere all the sudden. It's a shift in thought and focus. 

"My inheritance wasn't public knowledge!"

My royal ties aren't listed on any legal documents--unless the Book of Life counts! However, I plan to declare my inheritance each day. I plan to make it known who I am in Christ. Keep in mind, everything I share, blog, preach and teach has a balance side. There's always a "Christian Common Sense" that is a given. Make sure you keep up with your Christian radar maintenance. For instance, practicing declaring who you are in Christ doesn't mean shouting these things at the Target cashier on a Wednesday morning. There is a time and a place for everything. Don't torch your testimony and drive people far away from Jesus because of spastic Christianese leakage. Be focused and speak purposefully! It has everything to do with your vision and purpose and nothing to do with being better than any one----because you aren't and neither am I.

Remember, there is power in speaking who you are and whose you are.

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I Just Couldn't Take It Anymore

You might want to copy and paste some of these words. Print them out. Email them to yourself. Today's post is something that we all need to hear and be reminded of on a daily basis. I am blessed and humbled to get to wake up each day and do ministry. Yes, I work a business job Monday-Friday, but no matter what, my days are always sprinkled with ministry. I am humbled the most when I get feedback like, "That was awesome!" "I needed that!" "How did you come up with that?" and "You did great!" Most often, what I am able to share in ministering to others is the volume of what the Lord has downloaded into my spirit to minister to me first! The credit always goes to Him, I am just a willing tool, a weapon in His arsenal that He knows he can use anytime. 

This morning, before I left for work, He spoke something powerful into my spirit. I was walking our puppy, Peyton Manning. Yes, I know. We are Giants fans-- but my nephew is named Eli.  I couldn't name the puppy Eli!! Plus PM is awesome. Horrible at commercials, but awesome on the field. Okay, I am getting off track. 

Here is Peyton as a puppy. It was just starting
to snow flurry to begin his first snow!

So I was walking him, admiring the beautiful fall foliage around my home. Just a few moments into the walk, I noticed I had  a little pebble in my boot. Mind you, I had knee high leather boots on. It must have gotten in there somehow before I ever put my boots on. I have no idea how it got in there, but it was there. Each time I took a step, I was stepping on this little rock. I convinced myself I would finish walking him and then remove my boot and the pebble when I got back inside. As the walk went on, he peed and played with the leaves. I continued walking trying to adjust my foot so the impact would be different or better when I stepped. 

"I just couldn't take it anymore!"

As I tried to convince myself, "It's just a tiny little rock!", the Lord spoke clearly into my spirit. "A tiny little rock in your shoe can affect the whole race." Wait, what Lord?  "A tiny little rock in your shoe can affect the whole race." These words resonated in my spirit and I pondered their meaning. I was only walking the puppy with this rock in my boot. Imagine if I had kicks on and had to run a marathon. That tiny little rock would become a huge weapon and would totally affect the outcome of the race. 

How true is this in spiritual context?? Often, we are focused on the big huge "visible" obstacles in our lives when what is really holding us back are little rocks that no one can really see. We harbor little rocks of un-forgiveness, shame, pride, manipulation....the list could go on and on! 

So what does this have to do with you? I encourage you to let the Lord search your heart today. What kind of little rocks do you have in your boot? They may be things that seem small to others, but these small things can affect your whole race. Just like I did this morning, take off your boot and remove the little things that are causing pain or holding you back. Some things your friends and family may be able to point out, but most little rocks are not visible. They are things only you may know. 

1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your cares upon the Lord, because He cares for you." 

Please take time to connect with me. On my website you can:

• Submit a Prayer Request
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• Get Info About Upcoming Webinars I Am Hosting

Be encouraged. Cling closely to Matthew 11:28-30 and ask the Lord to show you the little things you haven't completely taken out of your boot yet!

How Embarrassing!!

So, today I am going to share with you an embarrassing story. Yes, I occasionally get embarrassed. It normally takes a lot for this to happen. However there are days when silly things happen and I am genuinely embarrassed. I hope you can laugh along with me.
So a while back I was having lunch with our children's ministries director at the Cheesecake Factory. Lunch was wrapping up, we hugged, said our goodbyes and headed for our cars. Along the sidewalk at the mall, I made a mental note. "What a great lunch, love that girl!" Second mental note, "Geez, I am going to have to head straight home to use the little girls room!" Third mental note, "Nope, I am going to have to stop in this next restaurant (Brio) and use the little girls room!" "Jesus, help me make it!" I remember thinking how difficult this pit stop would have been if my kids had been in tow asking questions and slowing me down. I was a mama on a mission. I was just praying no one stopped me to ask if I needed a table or anything. I had eaten here before so I knew the restrooms were in the back left corner. I made a b line for them and didn't make eye contact with anyone. I stopped once to let a family cross in front of me. Crucial seconds people. I was about 8 and a half seconds from a wardrobe change. FINALLY!! I made it to the door, I pushed it open and had my capris unbuttoned and unzipped as the door closed behind me. I began my scan for an available stall, hope was restored, I was going to make it. I saw an open door and headed for it. In my mind I already knew if it was clogged, or there was pee on the seat, it didn't matter. As long as there was a bowl there that was the one I was using. With my eyes fixed on the half way open door, I am interrupted by a confused, kind voice. "Excuse me Ma'am, this is the men's room". This kind white gentleman stood staring at me with my pants unbuttoned and ready to be dropped. I thought I was going to die! Oh no, now would I make it? Could I make it across to the hall to the girls room? I apologized to the salt and pepper haired gentleman and jetted across, never stopping to button up. A clean potty met me there and I made it. Praise God.
Now I just had to walk out of the restaurant without giggling. The funny part was that there was no one there to share this embarrassing moment with. No one knew except me and the surprised man who was washing his hands. And we'll, now you :)

I hope you were able smile through my story. There are many more, haha. My blogs normally consist of faith and family. This one was just for fun. Sometimes you just need to smile. So smile today, be encouraged that we serve a God who has a sense of humor. And even pastors wives get embarrassed sometimes.

Until next time.

To: You, Love: Jesus

Yay for a quick lunch time blog today! I hope you can take a minute to read through the words to a poem that the Lord downloaded in my spirit today. I don't always share what I write in this forum, but felt lead to do so today. Let our ever-present Abba Father consume your heart as you read.

You are worth it, yes you are.
Every tear and every scar.
Even when you feel so far,
you are worth it, yes you are.

I see your hurt, your pain, your fears.
Let me remind you why you are here.

You are here because you are worth it,
I said yes to the cross.
You are here because I paid the price,
my life was the cost.

So, when you feel unworthy,
and start to doubt yourself.
Don't discount your value,
like an item on a shelf.

Instead, let me remind you
about what I went through.
So I could have the chance
to show your worth to you.

What We Deserve

So, I recently asked for blog topics for my next blog. I got lots of great suggestions as well as some great inbox questions. Looks like I might have to do a blog series so I can cover all these great topics.
This blog will cover pieces of a couple of those topics, but will mainly just be a piece of my heart. My thoughts derive from conversations with others, conversations with God and conversations with myself.
Just a warning, only read ahead if you are okay with truth that is not candy-coated.
So many times in life, we sabotage our friendships, marriages, careers, church experience, relationships and families with these 2 words "I DESERVE". We get to a point in our marriage or our friendship where we stop becoming selfless and start becoming selfish. We decide that we "deserve" better. We start to hold the people around us to a different standard than we hold ourselves. We start to make decisions about our lives based on other peoples faults. Granted, God made us in his image and yes we do deserve the best. But when we start making life decisions based on superficial emotions, we are stabbing holes in our lifeboats! We are often quick to judge a friend or family member, forgetting that we are also not perfect. We expect from our spouses without remembering or making note of our imperfections. We expect a church to be like a hotel or restaurant that we can rate and review. Here is when this mentality becomes dangerous. We start making decisions about life and relationships based on our over-analytic analyses instead of making decisions based on the truth of Gods Word and the rationale of real life. What we deserve? What we deserve? We all deserve to burn in hell forever! Put praise God that because of his mercy, grace and unconditional love, we have the option of escaping that fate. I love when God's Word talks about getting the plank out of your own eye instead of trying to help get the speck of sawdust out of your neighbors eye. I really love the way the Message translation puts it. I think in our "every man for himself" society, the virtue of being humble gets lost.
Part of the problem is that we over-evaluate and find fault in relationships in order to justify pushing people away. We don't want to become vulnerable or exposed in relationships, so we find any reason to push people away. If those people get too close, they might just realize our struggles or our shortcomings. OH NO! Our fear of rejection take over and we reject them first so we don't have to deal with the conflict of it. Remember when we were younger and we used to have fights and disagreements with our best friends and then we would be back to being best friends the next week (or day)?? These days, if friends or family members fight, they may go weeks or years without speaking to each other or resolving things. This is an unhealthy beginning to a very ugly cycle. And this is just the way satan wants it. He wants people to be emotionally shut down. He knows how much easier it is for God to use us if we are not emotionally impaired.    What we deserve? We deserve emotional freedom. We need healthy friendships, healthy family relationships, healthy marriages and our kids deserve for us to teach them how to have the same. If these truths hit home for you, I encourage you to do some self-evaluation. Uncover the ways that the enemy has tried to twist your thinking and your motives. Only you know and only you (with God's help) can change it. Repair relationships, make new friendships, start treating your spouse like royalty, don't judge and over analyze your church. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known unto God (Philippians 4:6). If you have questions or need prayer, feel free to inbox me. I like to make my blogs light and encouraging, but sometimes somebody just needs to share some truth. If you would like to hear some of these truths in a different format, check out this audio download of my recent message at our Faith Church New Milford campus here.